How to deal with a marriage that is falling apart

Have you ever wondered the way divorce ratio is climbing up the ladder? In every second house, you hear a story that so and so has got separated? People talk about it as if they are talking about buying fruits and vegetables. This was not the scenario before; arguments use to happen then as well but now the easy way out seems to be getting separated. I believe till the time the partner is abusive or is into infidelity, there can be a solution for every problem. A relationship is like a plant, you can’t just leave it like that, it needs nurturing and care. It really takes a lot of work in maintaining a relationship. Let’s talk about how to rebuild your marriage.

1.Accept people the way they are: This is one of the big mistakes we make in every relationship, not accepting people the way they are. Acceptance is the ability to see that every person has their own perception about everything, we all are unique. When two people live together there will be zillions of situation which will come your way, you can’t continue to fight for every little thing because it wasn’t the way you wanted it to be. When we continue to nag people all the time, they start making distance from us and this further destroys a healthy relationship. It is not necessary to see the world in the radar of right and wrong, stop marking your way as the perfect way. This will make you tolerant and sensitive towards your companion. Your companion will respect you for accepting them the way they are and will be open to your ideas as well.

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2. Stop controlling: Knowingly or unknowingly people do try to control each other. People have a habit of doing things their own way but there is a thin line between being specific and being controlling. Your partner has a right to wear what they want, with whom they want to hang out, choice of food…….the list is endless but unless and until they ask your advice or something you feel is really very weird, don’t ban them from doing things they like. See, I understand your intentions are genuine and out of concern but this act can be very damaging and can take a toll on your relationships. Don’t jeopardize their identity in order to satisfy your ego. It cannot be always about you and what you want.

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3. Stop blaming start talking: Most of the time we blame our companion for most of the things happening around. When we blame someone, we are indirectly saying you are the one responsible for the misfortune. The person who becomes the target of the blame starts feeling bitter and disparaged. Blaming is toxic in nature, it deprives the couple from finding a solution of the ongoing problem. If there is a problem why can’t you be rational and wise in taking an appropriate action? The best thing to do is talk about it without pointing figure on anyone. Talking normally can avoid an awful situation. Express yourself without raising your voice or using sarcastic words. If required apologize with all your heart. Fighting is completely natural but blaming is your control.

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4. Share happiness: Joy is an experience, you daily experience lot of positive things but your focus is always on the negative side, one bad event ruins your day. It is important to look at the glass as half full and not half empty. Gratitude for tiny little things makes the surrounding positive and spreads happiness. Share your joys with your partner this will make your relationship strong. Couple who shared happiness with each other is more satisfied in life and supports each other.

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5. Appreciate each other: A secret to a happy relationship is appreciating each other on daily basis. On many occasions, we tend to ignore our partner’s little efforts and don’t compliment one another. The reason being, as the relation grows; we take each other for granted. We assume, that it’s their duty to do things for us and doesn’t even care to admire. Any relationship needs appreciation; a little compliment like looking nice, great dinner…makes the partner happy and adds an extra flavor in the life.

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6. Say I love you often: Couple should say I love you to each other often; these three words have an everlasting effect. Love is a great feeling and it also gives a sense of security. While dating couples will tell each other hundreds of time every single day “I love you” but as they tie the knot and start staying together, they stop expressing their love. These three words are essential to lay a powerful foundation in a relationship.

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7. Don’t taunt: Taunting each other or saying sarcastic things have become normal these days. We can’t talk normally without saying teasing words. It is one of the unhealthiest habits in a relationship. Instead of throwing your silent aggression through taunts which is only going to fire up the situation and will make your partner off, listen to your partner first. It’s fine to get angry but displaying your anger by throwing remarks now and then is catastrophic for a relationship. A friend of mine always taunts her husband if he is unable to make a call during office by saying “ab meri yaad kyun aayegi, shaadi jo ho gayi hai (why will you remember me, as now we are married)”. At least ask once how the day was, he may tell you that he was stuck somewhere. Taunting has become a routine in day to day life.

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8. Don’t argue over money matters: Money is an integral part in life and we can’t deny the fact that it does affect a married life. Couples do fight and get irritated about the spending habits of each other but this is something which you can change overnight, change will come gradually. If the partners over spending are not affecting the monthly budget and savings then the other person should close their eyes in few matters. You both can even mutually decide the monthly allowance that should be spent or save. If there is a lack of money, it is obvious there will be disharmony but this will make the matter worse. Try and figure out a solution by reducing your expenses or how you can increase your income.

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9. Ups and downs are part of life: Life has its share of ups and downs and so as relationships. What we see in movies, a perfect house, a perfect couple, and a perfect life doesn’t exist, so come out of your La La Land. There will be times you will fight like cats and dogs and next moment you are cuddling in the bed. Try to Recover from the unpleasant situation as fast as you can. This is the best way to be on track when it comes to a healthy family atmosphere.

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10. Don’t say filthy words during an argument. There is a saying, words can’t be taken back and bitter words stay with us for as long as we are alive. When there is a fight or disagreement don’t use abusive words, maintain the dignity and respect of your partner. Most of the time what happens is the real reason of the fight gets beneath the carpet but the shitty things couples say to each other takes all the importance. So, mind your tongue in an argument.

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End of the day, even if you get married to the best person the conflicts will bound to happen, the best way to fix a relationship is first fix yourself.

Stay happy

Stay blessed

By Poonam

One thought on “How to deal with a marriage that is falling apart”
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