Relationship: Marie was a bit tired, it was a long day at work and her boss was also travelling, so she was piled up with lot of important stuff which only she had an authority upon. She came back home with an exhausted look on her face, her mom was worried looking at the squeezing size of her body and dull face, as last couple of months Marie had a drastic weight loss. It wasn’t work which was reducing her waist line; there was something unpleasant which was going inside her heart. No one can judge better than a mother, what their kids are going through, how much they lie or try to hide away.
Marie went inside her room and closed the door and without changing her clothes, she pushed herself on the bed as if she is a piece of any hard object without any motion and tears start rolling from her eyes. This was a daily routine last several months since she broke up with Ravi, breaking up was her decision, but in life we have to take certain decisions which are going to break us for the time being. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. Breakups make you regret for the choices you made. She was constantly crying and thinking about the things which went wrong. The pain was stuck inside her for a long time with no treatment.
Ravi was never her choice; he was the one who was head over heels for her. She was confused about him all the time as there was no attraction. But she decided to say yes because of continuous peer pressure and she felt it’s better to marry someone who loves you rather than going for an arrange marriage. She even discussed with a couple of friends who were in the favor of at least trying her luck with him.
Ravi belonged to a good family and was settled in all possible manners. She had a very long relationship before Ravi which eventually didn’t work out because of multiple reasons so she lost her confidence in finding a guy for her.
When she said yes to Ravi, she took few months to accept him as her boyfriend; initially she wanted to say no to him as she felt the compatibility was missing. The only thing which brought her peace was that now her parents are relaxed that they don’t have to find a guy for her. Marie told everyone about Ravi, as there was poking from every corner of the world to get married, settled down. As it is very essential to get married at the right age (I still can’t understand what this right age is?).
Life was going normal for her initially, it was more of an arrange sort of relationship. As we say, when people start spending time together with an intention to be together things start working out. Ravi was very excited to have Marie in her life. Marie was beautiful, extrovert, semi modern, sharp, intelligent; she had all the qualities which a man would love to have in her companion.
As time passed by, Ravi got busy with his job, he was a Chartered Accountant and had started his practice. It was mutually decided that when Ravi will get financially settled (although family was well off but Ravi wanted to earn decent before talking to his parents about Marie) then only they will get married which may take a couple of years. Life became so hectic for Ravi that he became a bit irritable often and also there was a pressure from his family to join his dad’s business which he didn’t want to the reason being his dad was a difficult person to work with. Ravi knew there will be lot of opposition from his family’s side for marriage but he will handle them.
Gradually, Marie saw another side of Ravi which was very abusive and found him to be a manipulator. In fact she felt that Ravi was always abusive but she didn’t realize it. Abuse is not always a physical abuse, hitting each other but in her case it was more of a humiliating abuse. Ravi will constantly say things which will put her family down in terms of standard of living. His voice would be full of sarcasm with unpleasant tone.
He started yelling on her within few months of a relationship, but Marie was under the impression it is just a temporary phase, things will be fine when he will be financially okay and won’t be dependent on his dad. She overheard lot of time Ravi talking to her mother badly with using annoying words. He will be loud while driving a car and will keep on using filthy words. But now all this started with her as well, he will yell on Marie for no reason.
Ravi was also a compulsive liar. He would also brag about his family being well off and would compare his lifestyle with her. Marie was from a middle class family and Ravi belonged to a rich family. This was one of the reasons in the beginning; Marie didn’t want to say yes to him because of status gap. She had a hope someday he will be fine and change but they day never came it became worse.
Ravi loved Marie for her simplicity but now he wanted her to change because he felt Marie was too simple for today’s world. She tolerated Ravi’s anger, frustration, disrespectful and abusive nature because of the sake of her parents. She was losing her identity and was in pain throughout. She started avoiding his calls or will make a call short because the less they spoke the better it is. But after a while it got difficult for her to handle him.
Day by day things were getting awful, Ravi was not able to find a good job and he was venting out his frustration on her and not just this he will emit his anger for traffic on the road, argument with someone, disagreement with boss and so on……for every trivial matter he has to react. She even took a help of a professional because of the constant fights and yelling, as she still wanted the relationship to work reason being everybody around knew about him.
The professional even told her to get out of the relationship as they are still not married and post marriage things will become worse. If she wouldn’t have taken help from the professional, she would have still got stuck for another year or so with him.
Marie was in pain not because the relationship with him ended and she would miss him. But she was upset because she should have ended it long back. The heeling takes a lot of time, the shorter the relationship early the healing; the longer it is more the suffering. Marie took 3 years to come out of her first relationship and this one would also end she never ever imagined. She was single again; this feeling took a toll on her mental health.
Another thing she was worried about was facing the society as they would keep poking her about what went wrong. She loathe going through the entire process of finding a guy, spending time because our society doesn’t let a single girl live in peace. A girl is constantly under radar and nagged for not getting married.
I want to highlight few things here from Marie’s story which I feel every girl suffers at some point or the other:
- Marie should have broken up long back but she didn’t because she thought Ravi may change with time. An abusive person never changes; they feel their behavior is appropriate. Still she continued to tolerate him.
- Marie even continued the relationship because of the sake of her parents. She had a lot of pressure to get married. So breaking up with Ravi could have broken her parent’s heart. No parent wants their kids to be in an abusive relationship. She should have spoken to her parents about his behavior. God threw lot of hints but her eyes were closed.
- In the beginning she felt lack of compatibility. This was another signal of the universe that he is not the right person.
- Marie also found out about his compulsive lying attitude. She still wrapped it up and pretended everything to be normal.
- We all have a sixth sense, her sixth sense was always confused about him but she still said yes. Listen to your inner voice; it gives you a right path.
- Why women have to face so much societal pressure for getting married? Why can’t people mind their own business?
- Marie was an educated woman; she still didn’t take a stand for herself. What stopped her? Was it peer pressure or she was scared to lose a relationship again or she didn’t want to face the society after break up or she had a genuine hope Ravi would change?
- Clarity of thoughts is really required before saying yes to anyone. Don’t commit when you are not mentally ready. Don’t be in an abusive relationship even if you are committed.
- Sirf thapad maarna hee abuse nahi hota, verbal abuse is also considered as abuse.
If you also have any opinion on this, kindly enlighten us with your thoughts and spread the awareness.