Relationship: Marie was a bit tired. It had been a long day at work and her boss was also travelling, so she was piled up with a lot of important stuff which only she had authority over. She came back home with an exhausted look on her face. Her mom was worried looking at the squeezing size of her body and dull face, as in the last couple of months, Marie had a drastic weight loss. It wasn’t work that was reducing her waist line; there was something unpleasant that was going on inside her heart. No one can judge better than a mother what their kids are going through, how much they lie or try to hide away.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
Marie entered her room and shut the door; without changing her clothes, she pushed herself onto the bed as if she were a piece of any hard object; and tears began to flow from her eyes. This was a daily routine for the last several months since she broke up with Ravi. Breaking up was her decision, but in life we have to make certain decisions which are going to break us for the time being. Breakups make you regret the choices you made. She was constantly crying and thinking about the things that went wrong. The pain was stuck inside her for a long time with no treatment.
Ravi was never her choice; he was the one who was head over heels for her. She was confused about him all the time as there was no attraction. But she decided to say yes because of continuous peer pressure and because she felt it was better to marry someone who loved you rather than go for an arranged marriage. She even discussed it with a couple of friends who were in favour of at least trying her luck with him.
Ravi belonged to a good family and was settled in all possible ways. She had a very long relationship before Ravi, which eventually didn’t work out for multiple reasons, so she lost her confidence in finding a guy for her.
When she said yes to Ravi, it took her a few months to accept him as her boyfriend; initially she wanted to say no to him as she felt the compatibility was missing. The only thing that brought her peace was that now her parents were relaxed that they didn’t have to find a guy for her. Marie told everyone about Ravi, as there was poking from every corner of the world to get married and settle down. As it is very essential to get married at the right age (I still can’t understand what this right age is).
Life was going normal for her initially, it was more of an arrange sort of relationship. As we say, when people start spending time together with the intention of being together, things start working out. Ravi was very excited to have Marie in her life. Marie was beautiful, extrovert, semi-modern, sharp, intelligent; she had all the qualities that a man would love to have in a companion.
As time passed by, Ravi got busy with his job. He was a chartered accountant and had started his practice. It was mutually decided that when Ravi gets financially settled (although the family was well off, Ravi wanted to earn some decent before talking to his parents about Marie), then only they will get married, which may take a couple of years. Ravi’s life became so hectic that he became a bit irritable often and also there was pressure from his family to join his dad’s business, which he didn’t want to do. The reason being that his dad was a difficult person to work with. Ravi knew there would be a lot of opposition from his family’s side for the marriage, but he would handle it.
Gradually, Marie saw another side of Ravi, which was very abusive and found him to be a manipulator. In fact, she felt that Ravi was always abusive, but she didn’t realise it. Abuse does not always involve hitting each other; in her case, it was more of a humiliating abuse. Ravi will constantly say things which will put her family down in terms of standard of living. His voice would be full of sarcasm with an unpleasant tone.
He started yelling at her within a few months of being in a relationship, but Marie was under the impression it was just a temporary phase and things would be fine when he was financially okay and wouldn’t be dependent on his dad. She overheard Ravi using obnoxious language with her mother several times.He will be loud while driving a car and will keep on using filthy words. But now that all this started with her as well, he will yell at Marie for no reason.
Ravi was also a compulsive liar. He would also brag about his family being well off and would compare his lifestyle with hers. Marie was from a middle-class family, and Ravi belonged to a rich family. This was one of the reasons in the beginning; Marie didn’t want to say yes to him because of the status gap. She had a hope that someday he would be fine and change, but that day never came and it became worse.
Courtesypic: www.belmarrahealth.com
Ravi loved Marie for her simplicity, but now he wanted her to change because he felt Marie was too simple for today’s world. She tolerated Ravi’s anger, frustration, disrespectful and abusive nature for the sake of her parents. Marie was losing her identity and was in pain throughout. She started avoiding his calls or would make a call short because the less they spoke, the better it was. But after a while, it got difficult for her to handle him.
Ravi was not able to find a good job, and he was venting his frustration on her. He would also express his rage for traffic on the road, arguments with someone, disagreements with the boss, and so on. He had to react to every trivial matter.She even took the help of a professional because of the constant fights and yelling, as she still wanted the relationship to work, the reason being everybody around him knew about him.
The professional even told her to get out of the relationship as they are still not married and, post marriage, things will only become worse. If she hadn’t taken help from the professional, she would have still got stuck for another year or so with him.
Marie was in pain because the relationship with him ended and she would miss him. But she was upset because she should have ended it long ago. The healing takes a lot of time. The shorter the relationship, the earlier the healing; the longer it is, the more the suffering. Marie took 3 years to come out of her first relationship, and this one would also end the way she never ever imagined. She was single again. This feeling took a toll on her mental health.
Another thing she was worried about was facing society as they would keep poking her about what went wrong. She loathes going through the entire process of finding a guy, spending time alone because our society doesn’t let a single girl live in peace. A girl is constantly under radar and nagged for not getting married.
I want to highlight a few things here from Marie’s relationship, which I feel every girl suffers at some point or the other in their relationship:
1.Marie should have broken up long back but she didn’t because she thought Ravi may change with time. An abusive person never changes; they feel their behavior is appropriate. Still she continued to tolerate him.
2. Marie should have ended the relationship a long time ago, but she didn’t because she thought Ravi would change over time. An abusive person never changes; they feel their behaviour is appropriate. Still, she continued to tolerate him.
3. Marie even continued the relationship for the sake of her parents. She had a lot of pressure to get married. So breaking up with Ravi could have broken her parents’ hearts. No parent wants their kid to be in an abusive relationship. She should have spoken to her parents about his behavior. God threw a lot of hints, but her eyes were closed.
4. In the beginning, she felt a lack of compatibility. This was another signal from the universe that he was not the right person.
5. Marie also found out about his compulsive lying attitude. She still wrapped it up and pretended everything was normal.
6. We all have a sixth sense. Her sixth sense was always confused about him, but she still said yes. Listen to your inner voice; it gives you the right path.
7. Why do women have to face so much societal pressure to get married? Why can’t people mind their own business?
8. Marie was an educated woman; she still didn’t take a stand for herself. What stopped her? Was it peer pressure or she was scared to lose a relationship again, or she didn’t want to face society after a break up, or she had a genuine hope that Ravi would change?
9. Clarity of thoughts is really required before saying yes to anyone. Don’t commit when you are not mentally ready. Don’t be in an abusive relationship, even if you are committed.
10. Sirf thapad maarna hee abuse nahi hota. Verbal abuse is also considered abuse in a relationship.
If you also have any opinion on this, kindly enlighten us with your thoughts and spread the awareness.
Stay happy
Stay blessed
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