Getting married, brings goose bumps to the entire body and is a very electrifying moment in a couple’s life. Marriage is a beginning of a new journey – which involves not just the physical relation, but it also comes along with a lot of emotional bonding, companionship and joy of parenthood. But there is a lot of imaginary definitions or your fixed thoughts or dream of a lala land which is attached to this long term commitment. Couples think once, they will get married, their spouse will understand them fully. They think life is going to be a bed of roses, envisaging the perfect married life without any ugly battle unlike other couples or their parents. There love will blossom forever and there won’t be any communication issue blah blah blah…… Everyone has this feeling before getting married, but once they start living together, the shock begins.
Initial few months, involves a lot of sex, passion, ignoring stuff, doing things as per other’s wish, controlling or suppressing your anger, but once the honeymoon period is over and the reality bites then the reality of marriage emerges. Couples start blaming each other for their ill fate, nagging over trivial matter, force their opinion, proving their partner wrong, bitterness in the relationship, yelling becomes part of life, which even affects sex life. All these reasons can lead to break up or divorce.
Looking at the astounding divorce rates, the best thing one can do before they enter into a wedlock, is premarital counselling. It’s an assumption that “counselling” is only applicable to those who are already amidst in a relationship mess. It’s a complete myth as seeking premarital counselling can help in addressing issues and conflicts that will inescapably arise in your marriage at some point of life.
Marriage is an essential milestone in our lives. Each and every one in this world are different and brings their opinions, morals, ethics and history in the house post marriage and there is absolutely no doubt about the fact, that it is not going match with their spouse.
People enter into a marriage with a certainty, that it is going to satisfy their, monetary, emotional and physical needs – but reality is far from imagination.
Getting involved in premarital counselling enhances a couple’s capability to converse and develop a realistic approach in the marriage. A couple can develop a great sense of understanding and mutual support post marriage, if they discuss dissimilarity and expectations before they enter into a nuptial bond. Premarital counselling is a brilliant way to work upon finding solutions to their real issues.
Important aspects of Premarital Counselling:
1.Makes you empathetic
Empathy is an essential part of a marriage. Putting yourself in other’s shoes help you respond accordingly in a given scenario. When you start seeing the situation from another’s point of view, it gives you an emotional understanding about the other person. When you recognize the other is in pain, then you don’t get angry at them. This creates harmony in a relationship.
2. Boosts understanding
The most important thing is accepting this fact, that every individual has their own opinion and belief. It is very unhealthy in a marriage to force our views on the other person. This not only suffocates the relationship, but also creates a huge distance between the couple which can lead to divorce. Once you begin to realize this fact, then you start seeing the other person, the way you see yourself. When you understand everyone is unique and have their own ways of dealing with things or eating habits or sleep pattern, etc. etc., you don’t interfere, unless and until its life threatening. Don’t you want the same?
3. Right or Wrong doesn’t exist
There is nothing called right or wrong in this world, everyone has their own perceptions, assumptions and understanding about certain everything on this planet earth. Even, there is no authentic definition to define what is wrong or what is right. There are different aspects which exists. My definition with my spouse can always differ, but that doesn’t mean he is incorrect or I am incorrect. We often remain attached to our point of view and consider the other person as wrong, if there is a difference of opinion.
4. Financial priorities
It is very important to discuss financial concerns before marriage. It is next to impossible to marry someone, who is likely to save and spend, as you would do. Money is an essential part of a married life, so getting real about it is the key to prevent fights in the future related to finances. A couple needs to discuss about their future goals, savings, house planning and any other matter related to money should be brought to the table for discussion. As monetary issue is a very common relationship downside.
5. Sexual desire
This is another important aspect which people ignore. It is no more a taboo to have sex before marriage. Many couples enter into intimacy problems post marriage. When the couple starts fighting, the first thing which gets sacrificed is sex. This brings a lot of anguish in the marital life. It might not be comfortable to discuss about sexual desires, but it’s like any other issue, it needs to be addressed for a healthy physical relationship.
5. Having a Child
Did it surprise you? Do you know many couples go through this conflict after they are married? The first issue is whether to have a child or not and then comes the parenting style. It is also necessary to talk about how many kids you want and whether you want to raise them alone or involve extended family. Premarital counselling will be beneficial in dealing with this situation and how it could affect your marital bliss.
Couples are often involved in arranging for a perfect wedding and bypass these issues which can be substantial at some point of time in their marriage. Premarital counselling is a powerful tool which nurtures a relationship and ensures harmony post marriage.