Was it love or lust?

love

I met Rishab at a party; he was looking very shy and stood in the corner with his drinks. He was an average looking man but very charismatic. I couldn’t stop myself staring at him on and off not because I was in love but there was a mysterious smile on his face which would draw most of the women towards him. Whenever we visit a place full of people, we choose to notice people as per our choices based upon our desirability. Another reason was it was really a boring party and he was the only source of entertainment.

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It was getting too late so I asked for a leave from the host and tried booking a cab but as we all go through poor network issues everywhere every single day. It was getting difficult for me to book one. I was really stressed as my parents were calling me every frantically. To my surprise Rishab came up to me and asked if he can help. I told him that I am not able to book a cab back home. He instantly offered me lift as he was also going in the same direction.

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To my surprise he was talking without a break in the car. Because when I first saw him in the party, he came across as a quite person. I had no inkling that he would turn out like this. He was very witty and sharp. The quality which attracts me towards a man.  It is true that I wasn’t attracted to him, considering his physical appearance at first go but the spark he held inside him and the qualities I like in a man blossomed eventually. All of us are appealed to particular types that leave us weak in the knees. You know something we always end up getting attracted to the same kind of person. Rishab had same qualities as my ex boy friend. But this time I was in no mood to start a relation. I can’t handle a break up and also at the time when I am keen to settle down. love

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We exchanged phone numbers and started chatting. From seldom exchange of messages to chatting the whole day and later when we started talking over phone we didn’t realize, it was too much, too soon.  I knew I was getting into a trap called “relationship” which I wasn’t ready for but the romantic attraction towards Rishab was getting stronger day by day. It wasn’t one side, Rishab was the one who initiated every move to catch hold my attention and reciprocated in the same manner. We started going on dates and it wasn’t difficult for me to tell that he really liked me. Body language sometimes says more than the words. But liking someone and getting into a relationship is two different things. Rishab never told me he likes me but the skin on skin contact while hanging out or elbow touch or hugging or touching my hair to set them right were all indirect clues. There was a strong connection between us.

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I was trying hard to not to have a romantic connect but all my efforts failed. And one day fine day what I was avoiding the most happened. I was going to Banglore for few days. Rishab dropped me at the airport and said I will miss you and kissed on my forehead that very second I wanted to cancel my flight and be with him for the rest of my life. Those 5 days he confessed getting attracted to me at the party and also since we started hanging out he has fallen for me. I couldn’t believe my ears. It was happening again. I was falling in love and this time it wasn’t just romantic, I wanted to kiss him passionately for as long as I can. I wanted to leave him breathless and show him my other side which is not so conservative. We all have that wild side inside us but many women chose to keep it under the carpet. But I am not one of those. I am fierce when it comes to showing my love.

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He came to pick me up at the airport but this time we met as a couple. The relationship was ON. I was in a different zone completely. Rishab knew I am a serious relationship kind of a person and doesn’t believe in flings but before me he was a lot into chatting with other women for time pass but rarely would share bed with them. He told me I was the first one he ever got serious for. Months passed by and we were staying strong. He had to go for an official trip to Mumbai for 1 week; he asked me if I can accompany him as during weekends he will be free there. I said yes instantly but later whole night I was very nervous to take the relationship to the next level. I wasn’t sure if I should get physical with him because we never discussed about settling down and sexual relationship makes the bond stronger. And on the other part I wanted to feel him on my entire body. I didn’t want to get physical with the fear and insecurity that if I will tell him that we should wait for some time, it can affect our relationship. I wanted to get intimate without any compulsion and only out of love.

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But the way it was going on, I felt I am going in the right direction with him. I booked my flight for Mumbai, he left 3 days before me and those 3 days were never ending. I landed at Chattrapati Shivaji Airport Mumbai, he was waiting for me at the arrivals with a rose in his hand and desperation to hold me in his arms. I ran towards him and hugged him as tightly as I can. That very moment I knew I was ready for the next step. We went straight to the hotel in his room and next couple of hours was the best hours of my life. As he opened the door of his room, he threw my bag on the side and grabbed my face and started kissing me with lot of intensity and passion. The distance of 3 days made him super horny for me and I was no less. I just wanted to rip his clothes apart. We kissed each other for undefined time. We were desperate and madly in love, it is the most deadly combination. Those 2 days we didn’t go out of the room and lied naked into each other’s arm throughout. It is true that physical intimacy strengthens the bond and brings you close. A relationship is incomplete if it lacks sexual intimacy.

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The time came when I had to take a flight back home. Rishab kept waiting for me at the airport till my flight took off. I was missing him badly and was very jittery inside as I wanted this relation to work (I can’t handle break ups as mentioned above). It sometimes takes months or years for me to come out of it. And now since we are physically bonded, I was more scared to lose him. I was getting very nervous and scared but then I decided I will enjoy this phase of my life rather thinking about what will happen next. Sex is not the only expression that proves your love. It is just one aspect of your relationship and not the only aspect. I just wanted to chill and relax and not get perturbed about did I give into sex too soon. I didn’t know was it love or lust? When Rishab asked me to come to Mumbai, I knew what was going to happen there but I still went ahead. I don’t know whether we will get married or not. We can only plan but what actually happens is not in our hand. But I wanted to be with him physically, mentally and emotionally. A relationship is a lot more than sex. I closed my eyes and started thinking about Rishab and dozed off.

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What do you think is physical intimacy important in a relationship?

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By Poonam

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