Sacrifice:
It was dark and pouring heavily, Meera was waiting for Ajay with a cup of tea in her hand; it was her fourth cup looking for his car impatiently. Ajay is often late since he got promoted to a position of Vice President. Late evenings became late nights and sometimes wee hours in the morning. When the kids were small, it never bothered her but since Pia left for USA for her MBA and Ranvir got busy with his cricket coaching, she was alone most of the time at home.
She remembered when the kids were small, they would not leave her for a single minute and this was one of the reasons she left her high paid job to give time to her, actually kids that was second the first reason was Ajay didn’t want her to work anymore. It was the same Ajay who was so progressive in college and motivated Meera to continue with the job post marriage and always believed that women should be independent and job makes them appear stronger. It was also a requirement at that time to take care of the livelihood and live a comfortable life.
But with two kids, the responsibilities increased and so as Ajay’s role in office as well. He got back to back promotions and the pay structure got better and better. It was the defining moment in my life, as I realized managing two kids and job won’t be possible. I still managed to continue working for some time but the continuous nagging and cribbing of Ajay forced me to leave my job.
I initially thought taking a sabbatical would be an ideal option but he wasn’t interested as he was getting a handsome amount and for him my job doesn’t pay that well so better I should sit at home. The second realization was he was never progressive; he had the same mentality that men used to have in the older times that females shouldn’t work. Earlier it was a requirement as his salary wasn’t enough but now time has changed. I never saw his dominating side ever.
I didn’t create much fuss about it as I also wanted to be with my children, my parents were always working so my childhood was spent alone at home and I didn’t want my children to go through the same feeling. I also wanted to take some time off from work and take care of them but leaving my job permanently was never in my mind. I really loved my job and have watched my career grow from scratch till where I am now.
What I couldn’t digest was my once supportive husband behaved weirdly and had put a lot of pressure on me not to pursue my career anymore. Initially, I thought I will make him understand one day but it was an illusion and a dream which I thought would never come true. I would always think if other women can juggle a career and kids, why can’t I? Why there are expectations from women to always leave job and take 100 percent responsibility of the kids. My inner voice will keep raising voice but the external voice will keep shutting them up.
Gradually, I got adjusted at home; in fact I was very happy to be with my kids. I would take them for their activity classes, teaching them, playing with them, listening to their stories, fights with the friends. They were dependent on me for each and every thing which made me very happy. I found a new network of friends most of them were parents of my children’s friend.
It was very challenging for me in the beginning to be at home all the time but I got adjusted with the environment. My real challenge started when Pia and Ranvir reached their teens and got a little disconnected with me. Most of their time went into school, coaching, several hours of homework, friend circle. It was becoming difficult for me to spend quality time with them as they were growing up and busy in their own life.
I tried my level best to be their friend as this is the time when kids need your emotional support being the most critical time phase. I understood one thing this is the age when friends become more important but that doesn’t mean I am not important to them. I learned a lot during their teens and managed to handle it well. I became more of a friend than a mother.
My life changed when Pia left for USA for further studies and Ranvir got occupied with his college and cricket coaching, I just couldn’t take this very well. Since Ajay got involved with his work, my children became my life and my life started revolving around them. There was a silent gap between me and Ajay, we would rarely communicate. He was detached at home and won’t participate in any activity what has been going home. We were our own, disconnected to each other’s need. I was living in a half-life and searched for solace in the four walls and in my kids.
I never had any family support, whenever I would complain he would think I am being unreasonable and complaining because I am venting out my frustration for leaving my job. After a while, I stopped saying anything to him and started coping up with my own problems. Someone told me long time back unhappy marriage is better than no marriage – this belief of her stuck with me. I could never decide whether to move on or stay with Ajay in the given circumstance. Deep down I didn’t want to leave him but wanted a normal life. I tried to talk to him several times about the mind boggling issue in my head but he was least interested.
Ajay came home around 11.45 pm in the night and same crap he told me which I am listening last 15 years but the situation has changed now. The reason I left the job has left me whatever circumstance, my kids were grown up; I was struggling last several months how to kill my time every day. I was angry, disappointed, hurt and had lost my identity and me as a person. My world became void. I regretted leaving my job just to make Ajay happy and today he is unhappy with everything I do. Since the kids got busy, we barely talk or see each other. This made me silent forever and waiting for him became my habit.
Can you relate with the above mentioned story? Is it happening to you or someone close to you? A woman has to sacrifice her career if the husband is not supportive. They had to quit their job to avoid a stressful atmosphere and there is no financial compulsion for them to earn money.
If Ajay would have inspired or offered a helping hand, things would have been different at his place. I would not say Meera is not at fault, may be her hidden anger brought a distance between them or may be Ajay’s changed behavior could be a reason. We can’t judge or comment what happens between couples.
But I would say one thing never leave job to make the other person happy, this will make you resentful and women are more likely to make the sacrifice. Raising kid along with a career is not impossible but it requires a good planning and mutual support. Parents put equal amount of effort in taking care of their daughters education and build their career, no man has a right to sacrifice their effort and not at the cost of his arrogance and ego since they started earning more than the wife.
A woman should leave job when she wants and not out of pressure or else there will be a feeling of dismay and sadness throughout the life. There is no situation in this world which doesn’t have a solution but the intention has to be towards resolving the issue and not making it worse.
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