Are you dealing with the pain in the heart? I am not pointing towards the physical pain. The pain I am talking about is caused due to stress, anxiety, hypertension, trust issues, fear, betrayal and the list is never-ending. You really want to get rid of it and yes you can. Here is the solution:
1. Stop being guilty: Most of us are entangled with guilt. Guilt for not giving our best, for the broken relationships, for the fights we had with our closed ones, for not taking that opportunity, for giving too much priority to the people who deceived us. We all have guilt’s in our heart and these guilt’s sometimes take a lot of space in our mind and soul.
I just want to say one thing whatever has happened bury it, can we bring back the moments, can we re-live our life, can we do anything about it??? The answer is NO but the only thing we can do is go to the person and say sorry or say sorry inside our heart and move on. Apologize because you don’t want to ponder about what has happened in the past and you no longer want to hurt yourself again and again. Saying sorry may or may not mend the relationship but it will free you from the undesired thoughts of sadness, betrayal or dissatisfaction. For you, the relationship is more important than anything else. You did your best it just didn’t happen the way you wanted it to happen. Move on for your sake. Heal yourself because your peace of mind is very important.
2. Stop blaming: This is the best game we all have played since our childhood. Blame everyone and run away. We all blame others for our circumstances like: I didn’t get the support that’s why I couldn’t do it or my parents didn’t guide me well or my circumstances were like this blah blah blah blah……. Now listen to me carefully, whenever anyone guides you or suggests you something the final call is always yours, so don’t blame others.
Start taking ownership of the decisions you have made. I have seen most of the time people blame their past for their present situations. How long will you cry??? Stop being a victim of your circumstances. Can you do anything about it? NO… So focus on your present and what you can do to get the things on the right track.
Stand up for your choices
Stand up for your decisions
Accept the mistakes which you have made. Do self introspection. It’s easy to blame others than to accept and take the responsibilities of your circumstances.
3. Get out of past failures: Failing is not the end. It means you are one step closer to your success. It’s always better to try and fail rather not trying at all. When a small kid who is learning to walk falls on the floor, we never tell him/her to stop and cry because he is unable to walk. What do we tell him? It’s okay let’s try again…. But when it comes to us we take the failure on our stride and get attached to it. Take the failure as a learning and be constructive about the situation. Your past can’t define your future and present as well.
Whenever there is a situation which didn’t turn out the way I wanted to, I write about every possible thing which I could have done to make it right or what I actually did , it helps me learn from the set back and take the situation under my control. Remember one thing you did your best because you were the best judge of the circumstances. So forgive yourself and move ahead in life. There is nothing called the best decision, it’s always a best possible decision.
4. Broken relationships: This causes more pain than any other physical pain. Hurt is inevitable be it divorce, break up in a relationship, fight with siblings and many more. It takes your sleep away, gives you headache and in many cases you fall sick. I remember not being in touch with a close friend whom I miss a lot even now , I don’t want to talk about whose fault was it but I tried a lot of times to mend with her but she didn’t show any interest and I saw a other side of her. It’s been so many years we aren’t talking to each other but I still think about her, but now it doesn’t pain anymore because I have accepted she was meant to be in my life for some time and our role in each other life is over. The acceptance that she is not interested to be a friend again has helped me move on. I still miss her but now I don’t regret anything. When we were friends I did my best. It’s always good to accept and move on. Learn lesson from the experiences and don’t just get stuck. If they are meant to come back they will or else it’s okay. You are far bigger than the circumstances. Building a broken relationship needs patience. Talk to the people you are close to don’t keep anything inside. Time will heal everything and you may start realizing it was the best thing which happened to you both.
5. Loss of money: I have lent money to so many people which have never come back. I use to crib about it all the time. I have even lost a big amount in a property deal and have even put in a huge amount in a business venture which didn’t turn out the way I wanted to, a friend of mine fooled me in a business venture. I was so much in pain in my heart that I started suffering from Fibromyalgia (pain in my entire body, fatigue, sleeplessness etc). But one thing I was sure of I am not a failure, atleast I tried, yes I did lost money but what I have gained is the experience. Thomas Edison was told by his teachers he was ‘too stupid to learn anything’. The editor told Walt Disney he ‘lacked imagination and had no good ideas’. I can quote many such examples. I decided few things: I am not going to lend my money to anyone what may happen and if I have to lend I will consider it to be gone forever, wont expect the money back, If I get it back it’s my luck. I also decided I will always buy a ready to move in house and last but not the least I will never be scared of losing money if it’s for my dream and my future. I can always earn that money but If I won’t try I will lose forever.
6. Being deceived by closed one: I have been deceived a thousand times, but I still trust people because without trusting each other no one can move ahead in life. Yes it hurts a lot because it’s beyond our imagination as we trusted the one who deceived us.
Let’s agree to it, no matter what people will deceive you because it’s their part of nature. I read a saying somewhere: you may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. It’s good to confront rather than keeping it to yourself. Talk in a normal manner and find out the facts. If it’s their habit and the intention was to harm you then move ahead, good you got to know about it at the right time and if it happened by mistake then forgive them. Don’t get attached to that situation accept that the person was like that only, you only got to know about their reality later.
7. Failed expectations: My first reaction would be WHY TO EXPECT? We have expectations from everyone be it our parents, boss, colleague, friends, acquaintances, maids, even people walking on the road, people we don’t know at all. We want everyone to function the way we want them to. It’s a trap in which we all are stuck.
Unfulfilled expectations can be very dangerous. Even parents have expectation from their 5 year old kid to perform well. Are we doing justice to our kid?? Are we really in our senses? We live in our own Lala land and have presumptions about everyone and everything. Expecting our parents to behave in a certain manner or from our partner to love us the way we want to or expecting our children to take a particular profession and if they don’t fulfill our selfish desire we get hurt. I should say our big fat ego gets hurt. Don’t kill your relationships and die every moment because someone didn’t behave the way you wanted to. Accept people the way they are, expand your horizon and respect others choice of living.