Getting married early – You really wanna do it???????
I was 18 and got married to my childhood sweetheart who was my age. We actually eloped and got married in the court as we were not sure whether our parents will accept our marriage or not. I was truly, madly, deeply in love with him. I belonged to hills and he was a hardcore Punjabi. After we got married, we informed our parents and then they had no choice other than to accept us and we officially had a grand ceremony. It was a dream come true for me. The only thing I wanted in my life was Ravi as my husband.
It was the best day of my life marrying the person I had grown up with.
We had just started our career; we were young, excited, and crazy for each other. I was in a fantasy world. It was the best phase of our life. We were immature and far away from being responsible. One year passed with lot of love and over the top physical relation. But soon we started juggling with real life problems like managing the finances, taking care of the house, day to day adjustments, dealing with in-laws and other relatives. I was too inexperienced to handle anything and there were constant fights between me and Ravi.
Gradually we realized we didn’t know each other properly. There was a lack of compatibility and understanding among each other due to immaturity and childish behavior. Things which I use to like in him started irritating me. Financially also we were not settled as we didn’t even complete our graduation and got married (I was in job already and was doing my graduation in correspondence) and Ravi had to take up small jobs for the survival.
Although I was in a good job but as far as our expenses were concerned we didn’t have a lot of money to take care of our house and parents. Most of the time his parents were paying the bills and other expenses therefore they were very controlling as they felt we have no brains to take care of ourselves.
Ravi was not happy in his job. He kept on changing one job to another because of lack of education. He would sit at home for months and keep cursing our relationship as he felt our marriage was responsible for his unsuccessful career. I knew he really didn’t mean that but every time blaming our marriage was pinching me day in day out.
Ravi was the first and the only man in my life; we were over committed and obsessed about each other. But now after getting married, we realized getting married so early has hampered our relationship as well. There is a myth that marriage is a solution to all the problems, but it’s untrue.
Marriage is a start of a different kind of complications which needs a lot of maturity, understanding, ignorance, sharing, giving but when you are too young you have a different definition of marriage.
As me and Ravi were growing in age, our personality completely changed.
Now, I had a better understanding about me as a person. I was not the same person as I was in my high school, I was a dreamer before and full of anxiety but now with a kid (Arjun) in my life I have become content, settled and wanted different things than Ravi. He got a job abroad and left me and Arjun alone in India, the project was for 5 years. Those 5 years were the toughest 5 years of my life. I was only 23 years old staying alone with Arjun (I was staying separate from my in laws due to non reconcilable issues). It was a shock of my life as life without Ravi was terrible.
At that point of time, this seemed to be the best decision. The opportunity he was offered was too good and we wanted financial stability also. I didn’t go with him because of my own job, Arjun’s school and our parents as we had no siblings. Initially, Ravi went for 1 year but the time kept on stretching.
The long distance marriage started falling apart and deep down I became lonely.
I was very depressed, taking care of each and every household chore, bank work, my job, our parents and other errands. Yes, we did become financially sound but at the cost of our relationship. Later, when Ravi came to India after 5 years I felt his priorities have changed. There was no emotional connection or physical gesture. He was only focused on his job and his life. He was no longer looking forward to spend time with us, his friends and job associates took all of his time.
This loneliness was killing me day by day.
Ravi went to Calcutta for another project and this time I was okay with it because now living without him seemed more comfortable and easy over the period of time. Arjun was more attached to me; which is very obvious but a father remains a father.
As Arjun grew up, I passed my time by reading books, doing yoga, talking to friends for hours and hours. I tried my best to hide my sadness and tried to be fake all the time. For everyone around I was a happy go lucky kind of a person but deep down I was on the verge of breaking down. I even took a psychiatrist treatment for a while but that is all temporary.
Sometimes I really wished that Ravi should have stayed with us. Less money is better than sacrificing your relationship. Early marriage requires a lot of adjustments and understanding, if we would have not got married so early, I would have been mature enough to handle this long distance relation or proper education would have shaped our career in a different manner.
The danger of getting married early is, as the couple grows they become a different individual with age.
The time and experience they have shared in the past may not be the same now because of different choices in life. The most hurtful situation is when the couple starts blaming each other for the mess which is happening around rather dealing with maturity and patience.
Rushing into getting married early can have undesired outcomes.
Separation should not be the option because end of the day you loved this man/woman. You both need time and support to manage this situation in your marriage.
Getting married early or late is your choice completely but don’t be in a hush to get married. If you are destined to get married it will definitely happen, enjoy your youth. The most important thing in any marriage is financial and emotional stability. Think about it before making a choice.