There is a saying, you don’t find love, it finds you. I knew I was in love, when I met him for the first time. He was witty, hardworking, simple, caring. A quality which I always wanted my man to have.
We always expect “us” from people. People are mirrors. What we see in others has more to do with us than them. We instantly hit it off and started dating. Life became a bed of roses. Having him beside me, I felt safe. It was all about excitement, passion, intensity, hunger towards each other. I was initially scared to start a relationship as I am not good with loss.
Falling in love again
I was in a serious relationship before, which didn’t work out and it took a long time for me to come out. My life was a shambles. But I am someone who believes in the idea of falling in love, be a one man’s women, spending life together, background music, both of us walking down the beach, hands in hand. That’s the kind of life I wanted.
As I sit on my bed all alone, wondering about our craziness for each other. I knew I have found my soul mate. We planned many things together. We had similar story with lot of struggle in our destiny and many many dreams in our eyes. I never knew how amazing life could be until I met him.
The tears from my past relation were all vanished by his presence in my life. He came like a fresh breathes of air and I can’t thank my star enough for this.
We were together for almost 5 years now, growing thick and strong. Everyone in my family knew about him and our plans of spending our life together. My parents were not worried anymore for finding a guy for me.
Life was good
Work wise we both were content with our jobs. Earning decent money, living a good life. Every family function he was there. We had plans to get married by year end but he had to go to USA for a project so we delayed our wedding for another 6 months. Wedding for me was a mere formality. We even planned, that if he will get an opportunity in US, we will shift there permanently.
He left for his project; this was the first time he was going away from me for 6 months. It was hard but I knew it was good for our future. He got very busy with his project and due to different time zone we were struggling to keep in touch but we still took out time and managed to speak on and off. Every time we spoke he was so excited to shift to New York after our wedding.
The D day was approaching
I was counting days for us to be together forever. The planning for the wedding had begun. I knew his choice, what he likes, what he dislikes. I sent the pictures of each and everything I purchased for the wedding. His phone went out of memory, shopping was the only savior otherwise I was going mad without him.
Now it was almost 2 days left for him to come back to India. I was trying his number since morning but couldn’t reach. Whole day it came switched off. I remembered him telling me about an important presentation so I didn’t worry much.
I was lying on my bed thinking about us, an email popped out. It was an email sent by him to me which said:
Dear…..,
I just don’t know how to say it and have no guts to call you and speak. As you are already aware that my boss has helped me a lot last 6 months and I have lot of respect for him. He treated me like a son and helped me on every step.
He has offered me a senior level position in New York head office along with an amazing pay hike and a big house but he wants me to marry his daughter. I was completely shocked but he has so many obligations on me that I couldn’t say No to him.
He told me I know you are going to hate me for this and I deserve this hatred but I feel this is the right thing to do as of now.
I am sorry for everything and hope someday you will understand my situation.
Take care of yourself
Love you a lot
…..
Shattered to the core
I just couldn’t believe my eyes. I felt I am dreaming and when I will wake up everything will be like before…. but it wasn’t a dream. It was a hardcore reality. I read the email many times. His last line “love you a lot “seemed like a needle pricking me again and again. All breakups are incredibly painful but the most painful thing was I didn’t even know the man whom I was dating for over 5 years. For a second I was paralysed……
The damage was deep
I couldn’t believe it was happening to me again. I cried and cried. For nearly a year, I struggled with depression. I just kept on asking myself how I can fail to judge a person. How I couldn’t I see what is in his mind? Will I be able to trust again? Can I wear the same wedding clothes I purchased if I will marry someone else? How can he do this? I was sitting here wondering about all the things I wanted to say to him, pour my anger out, shout on him. I just cried because I never felt so unwanted in my life.
It’s been a year now; he never called or mailed me again. The damage was profound. He shattered my confidence for trusting someone again. I am still trying to figure out what went wrong. Now I don’t cry much but there is an unbearable pain inside my heart thinking about one question.
Do we really know the person we love?
Leave a Reply