Divorce has become common these days; all marriages often share the same twists in the cable. The divorce ratio is increasing day by day all across the globe and the amount of people who want to save their nuptial is nosediving. Experts say, the prime reason leading to split are similar. All marriages hit a bumpy road sooner or later in their marital life. The most common reason for legal separation or even break up in a relationship are:
1.Encroaching on others freedom:
I have seen this thing in every relation and not just marriage. We tend to forget that everyone has their own likings, disliking, beliefs, opinions about every single matter. Forcing our opinion on our life partner can lead to quarrel and dented relationship. It’s like telling the other person indirectly “You are Foolish”. The way you have chosen to live in a certain way, similar manner the other has chosen to live their life. How would you feel if your spouse will encroach your freedom, won’t you feel suffocated?
It’s important to let people live the way they want to. The way you have views on every little thing from furniture to clothing to food to health, etc…, the same way your spouse or parents or siblings have. I am not saying you have to agree with their view or vice versa. It’s just that you need to be empathetic towards how they want to live their life. If it is not causing you any real discomfort, stop forcing them. E.g.: You need to wear brighter colors or don’t use these words or don’t sit like that or you need to wake up early, the list goes on. The more you push your opinion or judgement, the more ostracized the other person feels.
2. Lack of Sex:
Sex in a marriage is very important, but it often disappears in the battle at home. Physical intimacy is sacrificed after one or two years of marriage and can lead to divorce. It is a thing which no one admits openly, but can’t deny the fact that lack of sex can destroy a marriage. Absence of sex is one of the prime reason a partner loses its interest in marriage and look for other options outside. I am not hinting everyone does the same, few people suppress their feelings, few opt for sex outside marriage and some deep down starts hating their partner for not having sex. The first thing, that is sacrificed when a couple fights is physical intimacy.
One needs to understand sex is a need of the body, it is not just mere enjoyment. The way a body needs food or water, the same way it seeks physical pleasure. It is an essential part of life and plays an important role in bonding. A couple goes through a scantiness or dry-spell for many reasons. The reason could be workload, stress or single, but if you don’t have sex for a longer period of time with your companion, you start feeling disengaged. A regular sex can open a door for emotional bonding and communication. It is a big indication towards a marital issue, which needs to be addressed.
3. Proving other as wrong:
Most of the time we are not proving the other person as wrong, but rather proving ourselves as right. Such a strike ends up in a never-ending battle. No one wants to accept, that they are wrong. Let me take it further profound, who decides what is wrong or what is right? Something right in my eyes, can be wrong for you and vice versa. Therefore, there is no authentic definition of right or wrong, good or bad. Do you want to abandon your closed ones in an attempt to prove their mistakes? One can always agree to disagree, since two individuals can’t be same.
Moving a disagreement to a shared mutual understanding can save you from a lot of sleepless nights and resentment, still this doesn’t mean the other person is at fault. You cannot ignore the fact, that just as firmly you are hell bent upon holding your views as true, your spouse is also on the same track. You both are an expert in your own mind. Isn’t time to alter your approach against the same repetitive issues?
Everyone should be allowed to choose what is good for them and what is not? Proving them incorrect, will only make the other person as pig-headed or stubborn, which will create disharmony in your relationship. The relationship with your spouse will be damaged perpetually. E.g. may be for someone drinking an occasional beer is a kind of enjoyment, but for someone who is a fitness freak may think opposite. So there is no accurate explanation for right or wrong in the world.
4. Blaming your partner:
No one wants to fight or file for divorce, but, in most of the circumstances, it’s always someone else’s fault, this is how we have lived our life. It is very easy to blame others for all the troubles in your life. Children will keep blaming their parents, the parents will blame their children or husband will point finger on wife, wife will point on husband and if we can’t find anyone it’s either god or circumstances who has ruined our life.
Continuous nagging, whining and complaining will fill the drum of your relationship with oodles of negativity and rage. Finding a scapegoat for your disappointments is the easiest option, this tendency is imbibed in us.We overlook the fact that unfortunate events will tend to happen, life doesn’t come with 100% guarantee, so when things don’t go the way you want, your mind urges you to put the fault on the other person.
This is how blame game works. E.g.: I failed in my exam because my mother didn’t give me time as she is working, I couldn’t get the job because of the traffic I got late. The blame-game is like a one-way traffic; it deprives you from knowing the real cause of the issue. Its human tendency to find someone to thank and blame, here comes god and fate in the picture. We would never see it as a consequence of our choices. The life is made up of infinite amount of choices, some works for you some don’t. If it works in your favor, it is all your effort and dedication, but if it doesn’t let’s put the blame on an easy target.
5. Infidelity:
Infidelity can also result in divorce. Cheating hurts, no second thought to it. It can be overwhelming and catastrophic in a marriage. Infidelity puts a big crack in the foundation of your relationship, though not a death penalty. Once a cheater, doesn’t mean always a cheater, but yeah, it puts a stain on your marriage. Trust is an important aspect of a relationship, breaking trust is one of the difficult things a person can deal with.
Loss of trust can have severe ramifications, if the couple decides to divorce or separation. It also gets difficult for the couples as they can’t find a mutual ground again after cheating. The person who’s been cheated carries a feeling of losing their identity and keep blaming themselves for the wreck in their relationship. Cheating can ruin a relationship or it can often be a result of a ruined relationship, but it risks the marriage, home and their life. It is a complete risk and can have a serious complication in the future. If there is an issue seek help, but infidelity can forever taint your marriage and you wouldn’t want that.
6. Abusive relationship:
There is a lot of difference between regular conflicts or being in an abusive relationship. Few circumstances can make a woman feel helpless and dreading for her safety becomes a prime concern. Domestic violence implicates an attempt by an individual to dominate and overpower the partner. Everyone has their own way of taking out anger, some people cry or suppress their feelings, but few starts beating or abusing. People who are extremely sad or unhappy deep down releases their pain in the form of anger.
Sometimes it’s not always beating, but constant verbal abuse can also make life hell. Generally, people avoid sharing this dirty little secret with their friends or family, as the victim is scared of being judged as feeble or wrong. But beating is unacceptable and intolerable as it can physically harm the person and can have long term damaging effect on the body. This is another major reason for a divorce.
Gone are the days, when the female will silently stay with their partner because of society. Physical beating is a crime and a person can file a divorce on this basis. In this scenario you will have to say, I won’t accept this beating, but without blaming or crying. Just say, no I won’t accept it and if you won’t stop I will call the police or start yelling so that the neighbors will come for my help. This scare the abuser and high chances he will stop. So, every time you have to repeat again and again, I won’t take this beating.
7. Explaining others:
This is a never ending effort which we all make 24 by 7. Always set a boundary in your conversation, no one wants to take free or unwanted advice from you. The reason is people eventually do what they want to. The intention could be trying to help the other person or just trying to be nice, but still save your time and energy. End of the day we all do things as per our understanding of life. Whatever parents tell their children; they have their own view about life irrespective of their age. This is what a couple keeps doing throughout the day which creates a commotion in their relationship which eventually can lead to divorce. It is very tempting, I completely understand, but an unsolicited tip invites a defensive response. The simple reason is every individual wants to stick to their experiences and decision making.
The problem with free advice is if the person doesn’t listen to you, you become unhappy and annoyed. Unless and until, someone explicitly asks for it, it is better to keep your opinion to yourself. No harm in sharing your views or expressing your casually but you can’t expect them to listen to you. Another aspect, it’s a sheer waste of time as no one is willing to listen. Doesn’t it happen to you all the time? How many times you are open for suggestions? Can anyone explain you anything? So why bother yourself explaining others. Yes, there will be an urge to open your mouth but hold on and do the unprecedented, you may avoid a big conflict which can result in divorce.
8. Financial matter:
Money is not everything but still very important for survival and another major factor which can cause divorce. Serious money problems put a lot of stress on the relationship, therefore it is not a surprise that fights over money are cited as a reason for divorce. I am not talking about luxury here, but when surviving everyday becomes an issue, it can cause terror and uneasiness and brings couple to a verge of divorce.
If you are single, you still have a choice of breaking up if you feel your partner is not settled and the future seems volatile. I am not saying breakup is the only option but in the worst scenario, it’s better to cry once rather crying forever because every issue can be dealt with, but not a financial issue as everything needs money. But if you are married, then there are a lot of other implications which comes along if the couple decides to part ways.
It is very essential to discuss about the financial situation before entering into a wedlock. As it takes time to understand its each other’s spending and savings habits. If you are married and dealing with financial difficulties, it’s better to seek help from a financial advisor or sit together and prioritize your expenses, as it can become a point of debate and dispute which can further shape up into divorce.
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